I’m continuing with my post from last week.

6.  Being able to help a new neighbor-I knew we had a new family across the street.  I had seen the evidence of their arrival.  New car in the driveway.  Blinds opened to let in the day.  However, I had yet to see any people outside.  Today, a lovely woman named Earnestina came to my door.  She was frantic.  She had a phone in her hand and was trying to see if I had the number to housing.  Seems her grandson had locked himself in the room and couldn’t get out.  The doors lock from the inside but he was very young, maybe two years old, and couldn’t understand her instructions of how to open the door.  Rather than making her wait for the housing folks, who would most likely take forever, I grabbed my trusty door opening tool (a strangely bent fork we’ve used MANY times) and headed over to help.  As soon as I walked in their door I could hear the crying.  Poor little guy was hysterical.  Took 10 seconds to pop the door open.  Took a nanosecond for him to dart out the door and breathe a sigh of tear stained and sniffly relief.  Earnestina was so very gracious and thanked me profusely.  I just wanted her to know that we were always here anytime she needed us.  It felt nice to be able to help.

7.  Finding out that Katy’s asthma medicines can be lowered during certain times of the year. Seems she has more issues during the winter when colds are more prevalent.  Her current allergy medication seems to be keeping those under control which is wonderful since they can be an asthma trigger as well.  She’ll be reevaluated every three months to see how she’s doing.  We’ll discover a pattern as we go along and know ahead of time that she needs to up her medications prior to the winter.

8.  SEVEN MORE DAYS!!!! The Boy will be home in seven days.  One week.  Eight more sleeps.  Four more school days and a weekend.  I can’t wait!

9.  Blackberry cobbler. That may sound a little weird but I haven’t had blackberry cobbler in ages!  I’m so excited to make this one today.  Warm gooey blackberry filling.  Flaky, cake-like topping.  YUM!

10.  Webcams and video chat. This one should maybe go beside the SEVEN MORE DAYS entry.  I miss the sight of The Boy when he’s gone.  I miss his smile, his smirk, hearing his laugh, watching him.  But now that we have our webcams and we know how to use video chat it’s ALMOST like he’s here.  Now, if only we could figure out how to make long distance hugs and kisses……

Why is it when I look in the mirror all I see are the flaws?  The imperfections?  The things I can change and haven’t?  The ones I can’t change?  Is that all I am?  A mass of flaws with only passing bits of “it’ll do” thrown in for good measure?

NO!  I am so much more than that.  What I see as flaws or weaknesses, God sees as opportunities to show His strength.  He thinks I’m beautiful.  Smart.  Capable.

Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we focus on the negatives that we see rather than the truth that we know?

I have this tendency when The Boy is gone to get locked in on the fact that he’s not here.  To lament and bemoan the fact that I don’t have him here.  To wile away the days in an incessant countdown of each 24 hours I must plod through in order to have him back here.  Then I had my 2×4 moment……

I had driven over to Alexandria yesterday to return some videos we’d rented.  The girls had stayed at the house, working on their schoolwork.  Steven was on video chat with them and I left knowing he’d keep an “eye” on them.

Now, normally when I have the opportunity to be in the car alone I crank up the music, roll the windows down and sing like an idiot.  But, recently I had read something about turning down the background noise in our lives and just being quiet.  Stop being afraid of the silence.  And I began to wonder what thoughts exactly was I trying to drown out with all that noise?  So I got into the car and didn’t turn on the music.  I just drove.  Round trip this trek to the video store takes me almost an hour.  (I know, nothing is nearby here.  It’s crazy.)

At first it was somewhat odd.  I felt the need to, mentally at least, talk to myself.  I found myself making mental notes and lists for later.  About the time I got on the interstate (roughly 7-10 minutes after getting in the car) I made myself stop.  I began to just listen.

Now granted, there was no sudden epiphany.  It wasn’t like a giant light bulb went off or a choir of angels descended on the hood of my car in a flash of brilliant light to announce my Ah Ha moment.

What there was was a slow dawning of realization.  A “well duh” moment that slipped in without me noticing.  I had walked in, dropped off the movies and had gotten back into my car.  As I’m looking behind me to back out of my parking space it happened.

I asked myself why in the world am I sooooo focused on the fact that The Boy isn’t here?  Why am I not focused on the fact that today I have my girls waiting at home?  Why am I not rejoicing in the fact that even though he isn’t here I can talk to him every day.  Most days I can talk to him, via email, more than I do when he’s physically nearby.

What do I gain by focusing on the “don’t haves”?  What am I missing by overlooking the simple joys I do have?  Why am I not celebrating the simple fact that I’m alive?  That Christ loves me and each and every day is a gift?

How much time have I wasted on this?  How many amazing opportunities have I let pass me by because I couldn’t get my head out of the hole of self-pity?

Today, I’m striving to turn down the background noise.  To listen for and look for opportunities to rejoice in who I am.  In whose I am.  In what I have.  In the air I breathe, the flowers I see.  To shout from the mountain tops that today is a gift and I intend to open it carefully and relish each tiny bit of it.

No, not that kind of itch.  I’m feeling the itch to put my thoughts into words.  Whether that will be via blogging or using our videocamera to video blog I’m just not sure yet.

With regular blogging I can proofread and edit.  I can reword things when I don’t think they’re funny.  I can’t go back and reread and decide, blech I don’t like the way that sounds.

With video blogging, well there’s video for one.  Heh.  Means I have to put myself out there.  Show myself in all my (sometimes not so shiny) glory.  I have to think about what I’m going to say BEFORE I say it.  Novel concept, I know.

But, why am I worried about putting myself out there?  Isn’t that what this is all about anyway?

I’ve been having a conversation with myself and with a few other ladies recently about loving ourselves.  Not only our quirks and our crazy but loving our bodies right where they are.  Not swimsuit model bodies.  Not perfect 5′10″ 105lb., perky boobed, tanned and gorgeous.  How about 5′3″, ____lbs, not so perky boobed, freckled and average?  How’s that for a mental image?

Do I love myself enough to do that?  Can I be ok with who I am and walk forward?  If Christ can love me freckles, stretch marks, gimpy leg and all, why can’t I love myself?

My “self project” for the rest of this year is about getting real.  More real than I’ve ever been with myself.  About truly looking at myself and loving lil’ ole’ me.  Ok, not so little, but you get the point right?

So I guess that means that you, dear reader, will have to endure this process with me.  Or push the X at the top of your screen and wait it out.