What would happen…..

-if I just trusted?

-if I just let go?

-if I believed in myself?

-if I smiled more?

-if I laughed more?

-if I stopped trying to run my life and start trying to live it?

-if I didn’t have a plan?

-if I was ok with that?

-if I tried?

-if things went pear shaped?

-if we get what we think we want and it isn’t all it is cracked up to be?

-if we get what we aren’t sure about and it turns out to be better than we ever imagined?

Today is blissfully uneventful.  We have absolutely nowhere to be, nothing we have to do.  We’ve spent the day watching a little tv, playing on the computer and just plain enjoying ourselves.  It is currently 3pm and the girls are still wearing their jammies.  Sigh.  So nice.

Steven arrived safe and sound to his destination.  We all miss him but we know he’ll be home before too long.

The house feels weird without him here.  Something’s missing.  Not just his toothbrush and his shoes.  Not just the sound of his game playing behind me in the office.  It is the sound of his laugh.  The shouting from downstairs while he’s watching football.  The hugs.  The kisses.

I’m currently waiting for him to get online.  For once he has free internet in his room so we can talk some when he’s done for the day.  I’m not sure what time he’ll be here so I’m writing aimless blog posts, playing on Facebook and generally just goofing off.

I say this almost every time I blog these days (which, I know, is not that often), but I feel like I don’t have anything to say.  There aren’t tons of funny stories to share.  I rarely pick up my camera unless it is for a job.  Right now most of our days are filled to the brim with “schtuff” and I don’t have time to think about writing or taking pictures.

Honestly though, being that busy is sort of a blessing.  It helps keep my mind off the not knowing.  I’m not good with the not knowing.  I know Steven isn’t either and I’m doing my darnedest not to continue pestering him about it.  I know that if he had an answer he’d share it with me.  We’re having to learn to be ok with not knowing.  We’re learning how to ask for just enough strength to live for today and face tomorrow tomorrow.

EEP!  He’s online now.  Gotta run!