So, Tuesday August 15th I have a scheduled abdominal CT scan with contrast.
They aren't sure what is going on.
Could be an adhesion gone wonky and causing a bowel obstruction.
Could be just an adhesion.
Could be a thinning of the muscle in my abdomen from the large baby I had after my c-section.
Could be something scary.
We just don't know.
I'm scared. I have this fear that they're going to tell me I have some crazy incurable something...
Last night, after crying and worrying again, I decided to try to stop worrying.
If I was told I had 6 months or a year, what would I do?
The answer to that question is the answer to what I intend to focus my energy on from here on out.
I suppose we should all have this attitude every day of our lives. We aren't promised tomorrow no matter our state of health.
BUT! With God we have hope! I know, that no matter what this test shows I have hope. Hope of eternity! That hope eradicates all fear. That hope reminds me to enjoy watching my four year old dance around in the sunshine. Reminds me to hold on to the image in my mind's eye of the sun glinting off her hair. Reminds me to laugh at Emily's jokes. Reminds me to earnestly listen to Katy and talk with her and enjoy her curiosity and revel in her verbose nature.
Reminds me to hold on tight to my husband. To grab hold of the feel of his arms around me. Take that feeling, tuck it away in my mind. Reminds me to gorge myself on the feel of his hair between my fingers, the sight of the joy in his eyes when we watch the Braves together, the sound of his voice vibrating my cheek when I lay my head on his chest and he speaks to me.
I intend to live as though today is my last day. I encourage you to do the same.
Posted by christy at August 6, 2006 01:36 PMthis left me speechless and full of tears. God Bless You!!!! love you!
Posted by: neri at August 6, 2006 01:51 PMWhat a good reminder, Christy! Thank you! Know that we are praying for you down here in MS. I love you, Curly Q!
Posted by: Lynn at August 6, 2006 02:00 PMHey Girl,
I will be praying for you. Keep me updated. Josh and I have been going through the toughest test of our lives the past month or so. It has kept us on our knees before God. It is a situation where He is our only hope. Nobody else can help us. At first I had so many confusing feelings. I'd go from calm, to worry, to crying, to thinking the worst, to screaming, to analyzing, to appreciating, to being angry, to being scared, etc. It went back and forth like that for about a week. Then, the more time I spent with Him, the better things got. I'm not worried or scared anymore. I'm at total peace and I'm at a place where I can totally trust Him and His perfect plan for my life. I had to get it settled that He is God and that He sees and knows all things when I don't. And that He is looking out for my best interest. That gives me so much peace! Anyway, just wanted to share. Love you girl!