Mama Blog

The fog is clearing

Things are getting better every day. Not great but some parts are better. Talking to the therapist will help quite a bit. In the wait time for my appointment, my goal is talk and get things out. Whether it be to Steven, a friend or here I want to get stuff off my chest before I hang on to it and it festers and makes things bad again. Because, to be quite honest with you that's what I do. Something happens or something is said and rather than talk to the person about it or discuss the thing that happened, I internalize all of it. I shove it all down and pretend like things are ok, when they are so very not okay. After I shove it down, I tend to repeat it ad nauseum to myself until what was a tiny scrape on the skin, so to speak, is now a big gaping wound.

A couple of things off the bat.....

I know that some of you aren't pleased with me for keeping most of this to myself and a very small number of people. I know that you want to know what's going on and you'd help if you could. But, believe me when I say that you can't help. So far, I've only felt okay with sharing the intimate details of all that's gone on (inside my head and out) with a couple of people. If you feel like I've slighted you in some way because of that, please don't. I have to work through this in my own way. Prayers would be great, though.

Also, with the phone......I'm not up to talking much these days. I do talk a little, mostly family and only a few of them. I can't bring myself to answer the phone most of the time. What you guys need to understand from me is that rehashing and rehashing what happened isn't helping me. I'm trying to look forward.

I'm trying. I really am. I just don't want those of you who are my friends and family that feel "out of the loop" to think that I'm being awful or something.

The fog is clearing

Things are getting better every day. Not great but some parts are better. Talking to the therapist will help quite a bit. In the wait time for my appointment, my goal is talk and get things out. Whether it be to Steven, a friend or here I want to get stuff off my chest before I hang on to it and it festers and makes things bad again. Because, to be quite honest with you that's what I do. Something happens or something is said and rather than talk to the person about it or discuss the thing that happened, I internalize all of it. I shove it all down and pretend like things are ok, when they are so very not okay. After I shove it down, I tend to repeat it ad nauseum to myself until what was a tiny scrape on the skin, so to speak, is now a big gaping wound.

A couple of things off the bat.....

I know that some of you aren't pleased with me for keeping most of this to myself and a very small number of people. I know that you want to know what's going on and you'd help if you could. But, believe me when I say that you can't help. So far, I've only felt okay with sharing the intimate details of all that's gone on (inside my head and out) with a couple of people. If you feel like I've slighted you in some way because of that, please don't. I have to work through this in my own way. Prayers would be great, though.

Also, with the phone......I'm not up to talking much these days. I do talk a little, mostly family and only a few of them. I can't bring myself to answer the phone most of the time. What you guys need to understand from me is that rehashing and rehashing what happened isn't helping me. I'm trying to look forward.

I'm trying. I really am. I just don't want those of you who are my friends and family that feel "out of the loop" to think that I'm being awful or something.

The fog is clearing

Things are getting better every day. Not great but some parts are better. Talking to the therapist will help quite a bit. In the wait time for my appointment, my goal is talk and get things out. Whether it be to Steven, a friend or here I want to get stuff off my chest before I hang on to it and it festers and makes things bad again. Because, to be quite honest with you that's what I do. Something happens or something is said and rather than talk to the person about it or discuss the thing that happened, I internalize all of it. I shove it all down and pretend like things are ok, when they are so very not okay. After I shove it down, I tend to repeat it ad nauseum to myself until what was a tiny scrape on the skin, so to speak, is now a big gaping wound.

A couple of things off the bat.....

I know that some of you aren't pleased with me for keeping most of this to myself and a very small number of people. I know that you want to know what's going on and you'd help if you could. But, believe me when I say that you can't help. So far, I've only felt okay with sharing the intimate details of all that's gone on (inside my head and out) with a couple of people. If you feel like I've slighted you in some way because of that, please don't. I have to work through this in my own way. Prayers would be great, though.

Also, with the phone......I'm not up to talking much these days. I do talk a little, mostly family and only a few of them. I can't bring myself to answer the phone most of the time. What you guys need to understand from me is that rehashing and rehashing what happened isn't helping me. I'm trying to look forward.

I'm trying. I really am. I just don't want those of you who are my friends and family that feel "out of the loop" to think that I'm being awful or something.

The fog is clearing

Things are getting better every day. Not great but some parts are better. Talking to the therapist will help quite a bit. In the wait time for my appointment, my goal is talk and get things out. Whether it be to Steven, a friend or here I want to get stuff off my chest before I hang on to it and it festers and makes things bad again. Because, to be quite honest with you that's what I do. Something happens or something is said and rather than talk to the person about it or discuss the thing that happened, I internalize all of it. I shove it all down and pretend like things are ok, when they are so very not okay. After I shove it down, I tend to repeat it ad nauseum to myself until what was a tiny scrape on the skin, so to speak, is now a big gaping wound.

A couple of things off the bat.....

I know that some of you aren't pleased with me for keeping most of this to myself and a very small number of people. I know that you want to know what's going on and you'd help if you could. But, believe me when I say that you can't help. So far, I've only felt okay with sharing the intimate details of all that's gone on (inside my head and out) with a couple of people. If you feel like I've slighted you in some way because of that, please don't. I have to work through this in my own way. Prayers would be great, though.

Also, with the phone......I'm not up to talking much these days. I do talk a little, mostly family and only a few of them. I can't bring myself to answer the phone most of the time. What you guys need to understand from me is that rehashing and rehashing what happened isn't helping me. I'm trying to look forward.

I'm trying. I really am. I just don't want those of you who are my friends and family that feel "out of the loop" to think that I'm being awful or something.

Can you find the kitty?

(click for larger)

Read on for help.....

Can you find the kitty?

(click for larger)

Read on for help.....

Can you find the kitty?

(click for larger)

Read on for help.....

Can you find the kitty?

(click for larger)

Read on for help.....

So much like him yet so much like me

It's a typical Tuesday around here. Chapel day at school for Katy so we hunt for her long sleeved chapel shirt to wear with her uniform. Neither of us wanted to get up this morning. That's one thing she and I share, the desire to sleep late.

Actually, we share a lot of emotional and character traits. With Katy, getting louder or spankings don't really phase her. But when you talk to her, with a normal or slightly quieted voice and you sound even the tiniest bit disappointed she loses it. Poor baby has my propensity (Mom Frances, Steven and I both used that big word this week) for being overly emotional.

I worry sometimes that Katy will deal with this over-emotionalism the way I have. That she might grow up internalizing everything and then eventually having the same problems I have had. I don't want any of my children to have to deal with this. Thing is, while I don't want them to have to bear witness to what I've been going through I do want them to see me getting some help for it. I don't want them to feel there's any stigma attached to needed to talk with someone about how you feel. Getting help is NEVER a bad thing.

She may look like her Daddy and her Aunt Nancy physically, and act somewhat like them, but there is a tiny bit of Mama in there, too.

Emily and Lizzy, well, who knows where they got their desperate desire to get up before daylight????

So much like him yet so much like me

It's a typical Tuesday around here. Chapel day at school for Katy so we hunt for her long sleeved chapel shirt to wear with her uniform. Neither of us wanted to get up this morning. That's one thing she and I share, the desire to sleep late.

Actually, we share a lot of emotional and character traits. With Katy, getting louder or spankings don't really phase her. But when you talk to her, with a normal or slightly quieted voice and you sound even the tiniest bit disappointed she loses it. Poor baby has my propensity (Mom Frances, Steven and I both used that big word this week) for being overly emotional.

I worry sometimes that Katy will deal with this over-emotionalism the way I have. That she might grow up internalizing everything and then eventually having the same problems I have had. I don't want any of my children to have to deal with this. Thing is, while I don't want them to have to bear witness to what I've been going through I do want them to see me getting some help for it. I don't want them to feel there's any stigma attached to needed to talk with someone about how you feel. Getting help is NEVER a bad thing.

She may look like her Daddy and her Aunt Nancy physically, and act somewhat like them, but there is a tiny bit of Mama in there, too.

Emily and Lizzy, well, who knows where they got their desperate desire to get up before daylight????

So much like him yet so much like me

It's a typical Tuesday around here. Chapel day at school for Katy so we hunt for her long sleeved chapel shirt to wear with her uniform. Neither of us wanted to get up this morning. That's one thing she and I share, the desire to sleep late.

Actually, we share a lot of emotional and character traits. With Katy, getting louder or spankings don't really phase her. But when you talk to her, with a normal or slightly quieted voice and you sound even the tiniest bit disappointed she loses it. Poor baby has my propensity (Mom Frances, Steven and I both used that big word this week) for being overly emotional.

I worry sometimes that Katy will deal with this over-emotionalism the way I have. That she might grow up internalizing everything and then eventually having the same problems I have had. I don't want any of my children to have to deal with this. Thing is, while I don't want them to have to bear witness to what I've been going through I do want them to see me getting some help for it. I don't want them to feel there's any stigma attached to needed to talk with someone about how you feel. Getting help is NEVER a bad thing.

She may look like her Daddy and her Aunt Nancy physically, and act somewhat like them, but there is a tiny bit of Mama in there, too.

Emily and Lizzy, well, who knows where they got their desperate desire to get up before daylight????

So much like him yet so much like me

It's a typical Tuesday around here. Chapel day at school for Katy so we hunt for her long sleeved chapel shirt to wear with her uniform. Neither of us wanted to get up this morning. That's one thing she and I share, the desire to sleep late.

Actually, we share a lot of emotional and character traits. With Katy, getting louder or spankings don't really phase her. But when you talk to her, with a normal or slightly quieted voice and you sound even the tiniest bit disappointed she loses it. Poor baby has my propensity (Mom Frances, Steven and I both used that big word this week) for being overly emotional.

I worry sometimes that Katy will deal with this over-emotionalism the way I have. That she might grow up internalizing everything and then eventually having the same problems I have had. I don't want any of my children to have to deal with this. Thing is, while I don't want them to have to bear witness to what I've been going through I do want them to see me getting some help for it. I don't want them to feel there's any stigma attached to needed to talk with someone about how you feel. Getting help is NEVER a bad thing.

She may look like her Daddy and her Aunt Nancy physically, and act somewhat like them, but there is a tiny bit of Mama in there, too.

Emily and Lizzy, well, who knows where they got their desperate desire to get up before daylight????

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Had my appointment. Dr. Jones is MUCH more interested in listening to what's going on, working on what I'd like to do, and keeping the ball rolling.

Short version: I have an appointment with the therapist/counselor on base in December (first one they had open). After a bit, I'll be referred off base to a different counselor. I'm giving Wellbutrin a shot in the mean time. I don't want to use it forever and she hadn't thought to do that either. But the therapy/counseling could be for a good long while.

So, now ya know.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Had my appointment. Dr. Jones is MUCH more interested in listening to what's going on, working on what I'd like to do, and keeping the ball rolling.

Short version: I have an appointment with the therapist/counselor on base in December (first one they had open). After a bit, I'll be referred off base to a different counselor. I'm giving Wellbutrin a shot in the mean time. I don't want to use it forever and she hadn't thought to do that either. But the therapy/counseling could be for a good long while.

So, now ya know.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Had my appointment. Dr. Jones is MUCH more interested in listening to what's going on, working on what I'd like to do, and keeping the ball rolling.

Short version: I have an appointment with the therapist/counselor on base in December (first one they had open). After a bit, I'll be referred off base to a different counselor. I'm giving Wellbutrin a shot in the mean time. I don't want to use it forever and she hadn't thought to do that either. But the therapy/counseling could be for a good long while.

So, now ya know.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Had my appointment. Dr. Jones is MUCH more interested in listening to what's going on, working on what I'd like to do, and keeping the ball rolling.

Short version: I have an appointment with the therapist/counselor on base in December (first one they had open). After a bit, I'll be referred off base to a different counselor. I'm giving Wellbutrin a shot in the mean time. I don't want to use it forever and she hadn't thought to do that either. But the therapy/counseling could be for a good long while.

So, now ya know.

Abbreviations and such

PCM-Primary Care Manager, typically found in our Family Practice Clinic. Very similar to General Practitioner. Must go through them to get anywhere else, basically.

G-Good (re: Katy's report card) G is the highest of Good, Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory. :)

Just thought I'd clear that up.

Abbreviations and such

PCM-Primary Care Manager, typically found in our Family Practice Clinic. Very similar to General Practitioner. Must go through them to get anywhere else, basically.

G-Good (re: Katy's report card) G is the highest of Good, Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory. :)

Just thought I'd clear that up.

Abbreviations and such

PCM-Primary Care Manager, typically found in our Family Practice Clinic. Very similar to General Practitioner. Must go through them to get anywhere else, basically.

G-Good (re: Katy's report card) G is the highest of Good, Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory. :)

Just thought I'd clear that up.

Abbreviations and such

PCM-Primary Care Manager, typically found in our Family Practice Clinic. Very similar to General Practitioner. Must go through them to get anywhere else, basically.

G-Good (re: Katy's report card) G is the highest of Good, Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory. :)

Just thought I'd clear that up.

To-did

Finished dying the yarn. Turned out more green than blue, but I think it's nice.

(click for larger images)

To-did

Finished dying the yarn. Turned out more green than blue, but I think it's nice.

(click for larger images)

To-did

Finished dying the yarn. Turned out more green than blue, but I think it's nice.

(click for larger images)

To-did

Finished dying the yarn. Turned out more green than blue, but I think it's nice.

(click for larger images)

Ta da- the to do's

Things to do this week:
-take Daisy to vet
-See PCM for appt.
-Touch up paint in dining room
-Put pictures and curtains back up in living room
-Knit some/dye yarn
-Sew some
-Clean up my bedroom
-Nap

Ta da- the to do's

Things to do this week:
-take Daisy to vet
-See PCM for appt.
-Touch up paint in dining room
-Put pictures and curtains back up in living room
-Knit some/dye yarn
-Sew some
-Clean up my bedroom
-Nap

Ta da- the to do's

Things to do this week:
-take Daisy to vet
-See PCM for appt.
-Touch up paint in dining room
-Put pictures and curtains back up in living room
-Knit some/dye yarn
-Sew some
-Clean up my bedroom
-Nap

Ta da- the to do's

Things to do this week:
-take Daisy to vet
-See PCM for appt.
-Touch up paint in dining room
-Put pictures and curtains back up in living room
-Knit some/dye yarn
-Sew some
-Clean up my bedroom
-Nap

I almost forgot

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I almost forgot

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I almost forgot

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I almost forgot

(click for larger)

And the hits just keep on comin'

Emily and Lizzy went to visit Pam Grandma and Grandpa Charles. They'd planned to come visit next weekend, but now they'll just be bringing the little girls back with them. Katy's excited about some alone time with us and it gives me a little time to finish getting my act together.

Tonight we had a couple little "incidents." Here they are in short form:

-Lizzy cut her head underneath the table. Of course, head wounds bleed like crazy even when they are small. She's fine.

-Emily broke out into hives on her arms and feet. I couldn't figure out how because nothing has changed (detergent, shampoo, etc.) Come to find out, she and Katy had been checking out Pam's shampoo. It's a grown up shampoo that was quite fruity and smelled like a lotion might. Emily tried it out on her arms, hands and feet. A dose of Benadryl and some cool cloths and she was feeling MUCH better.

Forgot to tell you guys about Katy's report card! She got it Friday and she received all A's and G's!! She's doing very very well.

And the hits just keep on comin'

Emily and Lizzy went to visit Pam Grandma and Grandpa Charles. They'd planned to come visit next weekend, but now they'll just be bringing the little girls back with them. Katy's excited about some alone time with us and it gives me a little time to finish getting my act together.

Tonight we had a couple little "incidents." Here they are in short form:

-Lizzy cut her head underneath the table. Of course, head wounds bleed like crazy even when they are small. She's fine.

-Emily broke out into hives on her arms and feet. I couldn't figure out how because nothing has changed (detergent, shampoo, etc.) Come to find out, she and Katy had been checking out Pam's shampoo. It's a grown up shampoo that was quite fruity and smelled like a lotion might. Emily tried it out on her arms, hands and feet. A dose of Benadryl and some cool cloths and she was feeling MUCH better.

Forgot to tell you guys about Katy's report card! She got it Friday and she received all A's and G's!! She's doing very very well.

And the hits just keep on comin'

Emily and Lizzy went to visit Pam Grandma and Grandpa Charles. They'd planned to come visit next weekend, but now they'll just be bringing the little girls back with them. Katy's excited about some alone time with us and it gives me a little time to finish getting my act together.

Tonight we had a couple little "incidents." Here they are in short form:

-Lizzy cut her head underneath the table. Of course, head wounds bleed like crazy even when they are small. She's fine.

-Emily broke out into hives on her arms and feet. I couldn't figure out how because nothing has changed (detergent, shampoo, etc.) Come to find out, she and Katy had been checking out Pam's shampoo. It's a grown up shampoo that was quite fruity and smelled like a lotion might. Emily tried it out on her arms, hands and feet. A dose of Benadryl and some cool cloths and she was feeling MUCH better.

Forgot to tell you guys about Katy's report card! She got it Friday and she received all A's and G's!! She's doing very very well.

And the hits just keep on comin'

Emily and Lizzy went to visit Pam Grandma and Grandpa Charles. They'd planned to come visit next weekend, but now they'll just be bringing the little girls back with them. Katy's excited about some alone time with us and it gives me a little time to finish getting my act together.

Tonight we had a couple little "incidents." Here they are in short form:

-Lizzy cut her head underneath the table. Of course, head wounds bleed like crazy even when they are small. She's fine.

-Emily broke out into hives on her arms and feet. I couldn't figure out how because nothing has changed (detergent, shampoo, etc.) Come to find out, she and Katy had been checking out Pam's shampoo. It's a grown up shampoo that was quite fruity and smelled like a lotion might. Emily tried it out on her arms, hands and feet. A dose of Benadryl and some cool cloths and she was feeling MUCH better.

Forgot to tell you guys about Katy's report card! She got it Friday and she received all A's and G's!! She's doing very very well.

Surviving

Things are currently ok. Not fabulous. Not back to normal. But ok.

I have an appointment Monday afternoon with my PCM. I'm going to have a good long talk.

Pam's here helping this weekend while Steven works. Each day is a bit better and I'm surviving. I've laughed and smiled some too.

Don't fret.

Surviving

Things are currently ok. Not fabulous. Not back to normal. But ok.

I have an appointment Monday afternoon with my PCM. I'm going to have a good long talk.

Pam's here helping this weekend while Steven works. Each day is a bit better and I'm surviving. I've laughed and smiled some too.

Don't fret.

Surviving

Things are currently ok. Not fabulous. Not back to normal. But ok.

I have an appointment Monday afternoon with my PCM. I'm going to have a good long talk.

Pam's here helping this weekend while Steven works. Each day is a bit better and I'm surviving. I've laughed and smiled some too.

Don't fret.

Surviving

Things are currently ok. Not fabulous. Not back to normal. But ok.

I have an appointment Monday afternoon with my PCM. I'm going to have a good long talk.

Pam's here helping this weekend while Steven works. Each day is a bit better and I'm surviving. I've laughed and smiled some too.

Don't fret.

Duct tape?

It's very late and I'm pretty pooped despite passing out and sleeping three hours this afternoon.

I suppose an emotional breakdown of the magnitude I had yesterday will do that to a gal.

Today was ok. I survived. I got through. Steven spoke with the doctor and I'm getting another appointment with a different doc. I'm going to ask about getting into some type of therapy and we'll talk about the rest.

Em got checked for strep throat. She still isn't wanting to eat much of anything. Says it hurts to swallow. She seemed a bit better this afternoon after a short nap, hurling all over Steven and a bath.

I need to get some sleep. G'night you guys.

Duct tape?

It's very late and I'm pretty pooped despite passing out and sleeping three hours this afternoon.

I suppose an emotional breakdown of the magnitude I had yesterday will do that to a gal.

Today was ok. I survived. I got through. Steven spoke with the doctor and I'm getting another appointment with a different doc. I'm going to ask about getting into some type of therapy and we'll talk about the rest.

Em got checked for strep throat. She still isn't wanting to eat much of anything. Says it hurts to swallow. She seemed a bit better this afternoon after a short nap, hurling all over Steven and a bath.

I need to get some sleep. G'night you guys.

Duct tape?

It's very late and I'm pretty pooped despite passing out and sleeping three hours this afternoon.

I suppose an emotional breakdown of the magnitude I had yesterday will do that to a gal.

Today was ok. I survived. I got through. Steven spoke with the doctor and I'm getting another appointment with a different doc. I'm going to ask about getting into some type of therapy and we'll talk about the rest.

Em got checked for strep throat. She still isn't wanting to eat much of anything. Says it hurts to swallow. She seemed a bit better this afternoon after a short nap, hurling all over Steven and a bath.

I need to get some sleep. G'night you guys.

Duct tape?

It's very late and I'm pretty pooped despite passing out and sleeping three hours this afternoon.

I suppose an emotional breakdown of the magnitude I had yesterday will do that to a gal.

Today was ok. I survived. I got through. Steven spoke with the doctor and I'm getting another appointment with a different doc. I'm going to ask about getting into some type of therapy and we'll talk about the rest.

Em got checked for strep throat. She still isn't wanting to eat much of anything. Says it hurts to swallow. She seemed a bit better this afternoon after a short nap, hurling all over Steven and a bath.

I need to get some sleep. G'night you guys.

Not so good

Appointment did NOT go well. I can't get back into it again. I cried for an hour and a half afterwards.

Not just gently crying.

Ugly, gut wrenching, sobbing until I felt like I'd throw up.

Basically the gist is because I have a tiny bit of public self-control and wasn't rocking in my chair, suicidal, homicidal, my husband didn't "send" me and I couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell him how bad things have gotten......I have to wait. Seven to ten days for a call about when I can start a Life Skills class. Because apparently I need to learn to cope and relax and reduce whatever stress I can. Then 6-8 WEEKS later I'm supposed to go back and see my PCM to see if things are better.

I understand coping skills and if this was minor/mild depression sure that might work. I understand relaxing and reducing stress. I've tried it. I try regularly to do that.

This has gone beyond that, you guys. I appreciate all the advice and the prayers and thoughts. But I haven't even skimmed the surface of what's going on.

You guys honestly have no idea. But it's bad.

Steven is waiting for the doctor to call him back. We're doing something. I don't know what. But something.

Don't bother calling. I won't answer today. I just can't. Email me all you want, leave all the messages you want. I'll get back with you when I can.

Not so good

Appointment did NOT go well. I can't get back into it again. I cried for an hour and a half afterwards.

Not just gently crying.

Ugly, gut wrenching, sobbing until I felt like I'd throw up.

Basically the gist is because I have a tiny bit of public self-control and wasn't rocking in my chair, suicidal, homicidal, my husband didn't "send" me and I couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell him how bad things have gotten......I have to wait. Seven to ten days for a call about when I can start a Life Skills class. Because apparently I need to learn to cope and relax and reduce whatever stress I can. Then 6-8 WEEKS later I'm supposed to go back and see my PCM to see if things are better.

I understand coping skills and if this was minor/mild depression sure that might work. I understand relaxing and reducing stress. I've tried it. I try regularly to do that.

This has gone beyond that, you guys. I appreciate all the advice and the prayers and thoughts. But I haven't even skimmed the surface of what's going on.

You guys honestly have no idea. But it's bad.

Steven is waiting for the doctor to call him back. We're doing something. I don't know what. But something.

Don't bother calling. I won't answer today. I just can't. Email me all you want, leave all the messages you want. I'll get back with you when I can.

Not so good

Appointment did NOT go well. I can't get back into it again. I cried for an hour and a half afterwards.

Not just gently crying.

Ugly, gut wrenching, sobbing until I felt like I'd throw up.

Basically the gist is because I have a tiny bit of public self-control and wasn't rocking in my chair, suicidal, homicidal, my husband didn't "send" me and I couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell him how bad things have gotten......I have to wait. Seven to ten days for a call about when I can start a Life Skills class. Because apparently I need to learn to cope and relax and reduce whatever stress I can. Then 6-8 WEEKS later I'm supposed to go back and see my PCM to see if things are better.

I understand coping skills and if this was minor/mild depression sure that might work. I understand relaxing and reducing stress. I've tried it. I try regularly to do that.

This has gone beyond that, you guys. I appreciate all the advice and the prayers and thoughts. But I haven't even skimmed the surface of what's going on.

You guys honestly have no idea. But it's bad.

Steven is waiting for the doctor to call him back. We're doing something. I don't know what. But something.

Don't bother calling. I won't answer today. I just can't. Email me all you want, leave all the messages you want. I'll get back with you when I can.

Not so good

Appointment did NOT go well. I can't get back into it again. I cried for an hour and a half afterwards.

Not just gently crying.

Ugly, gut wrenching, sobbing until I felt like I'd throw up.

Basically the gist is because I have a tiny bit of public self-control and wasn't rocking in my chair, suicidal, homicidal, my husband didn't "send" me and I couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell him how bad things have gotten......I have to wait. Seven to ten days for a call about when I can start a Life Skills class. Because apparently I need to learn to cope and relax and reduce whatever stress I can. Then 6-8 WEEKS later I'm supposed to go back and see my PCM to see if things are better.

I understand coping skills and if this was minor/mild depression sure that might work. I understand relaxing and reducing stress. I've tried it. I try regularly to do that.

This has gone beyond that, you guys. I appreciate all the advice and the prayers and thoughts. But I haven't even skimmed the surface of what's going on.

You guys honestly have no idea. But it's bad.

Steven is waiting for the doctor to call him back. We're doing something. I don't know what. But something.

Don't bother calling. I won't answer today. I just can't. Email me all you want, leave all the messages you want. I'll get back with you when I can.

Time for getting real

I was thinking last night that it's time for me to open up some. Not so much so that you can see how crazy I am. More so that I can let some of this out. Holding it in isn't a great idea. However, if comments get out of hand or I decide I'm not comfortable hanging it all out there, I reserve the right to move this section to a private area.

After naps yesterday, and yes we all took one, we took the girls to Petsmart in G'port. They get a big kick out of seeing the animals. We hardly ever buy anything but they still enjoy themselves. I figured it's only fair that they get out and do something fun even if I don't want to. When Steven's home, it's easier to take them somewhere anyway.

As we left we realized it was very close to bed time and we hadn't eaten. Got the girls some dinner and they ate while we figured out what we wanted. Steven got a chicken sandwich and I was still undecided. Imagine that.

I finally chose to get some Chinese food. We drove to the one past our house and parked under the bright electric sign.

I couldn't open my door. I just couldn't go in there. Steven said, "Can you go get it?" "Yes, I can."

"But I don't want to." I was, I don't even know the right word for what I was. I just couldn't go in there.

"That's just silly. What do you want?!"

I instantly burst into tears. I couldn't even stop to tell him what I wanted.

After several minutes, I squeaked out what I wanted and he went inside. As soon as his door closed I was crying harder. He was in there for almost 10 minutes and it took me that whole time to get myself under some semblance of control.

His door opens, he climbs in. Puts his hand on my arm. "Would you forgive me for saying that?" Of course I will, but now I'm crying again so all I can do is shake my head.

I called the appointment line and they don't have anything sooner. I'm hanging in there but it's a rough ride.

When asked yesterday how Steven thought I was doing (not by me) his answer was, she's doing the best she can but she isn't happy.

Edited to add: I called again to ask about the walk in clinic. While the woman was telling me that it was only for acute situations like sinus infections!!! there was a cancellation in the appointment system.

My new appointment is tomorrow at 7:10am!

Time for getting real

I was thinking last night that it's time for me to open up some. Not so much so that you can see how crazy I am. More so that I can let some of this out. Holding it in isn't a great idea. However, if comments get out of hand or I decide I'm not comfortable hanging it all out there, I reserve the right to move this section to a private area.

After naps yesterday, and yes we all took one, we took the girls to Petsmart in G'port. They get a big kick out of seeing the animals. We hardly ever buy anything but they still enjoy themselves. I figured it's only fair that they get out and do something fun even if I don't want to. When Steven's home, it's easier to take them somewhere anyway.

As we left we realized it was very close to bed time and we hadn't eaten. Got the girls some dinner and they ate while we figured out what we wanted. Steven got a chicken sandwich and I was still undecided. Imagine that.

I finally chose to get some Chinese food. We drove to the one past our house and parked under the bright electric sign.

I couldn't open my door. I just couldn't go in there. Steven said, "Can you go get it?" "Yes, I can."

"But I don't want to." I was, I don't even know the right word for what I was. I just couldn't go in there.

"That's just silly. What do you want?!"

I instantly burst into tears. I couldn't even stop to tell him what I wanted.

After several minutes, I squeaked out what I wanted and he went inside. As soon as his door closed I was crying harder. He was in there for almost 10 minutes and it took me that whole time to get myself under some semblance of control.

His door opens, he climbs in. Puts his hand on my arm. "Would you forgive me for saying that?" Of course I will, but now I'm crying again so all I can do is shake my head.

I called the appointment line and they don't have anything sooner. I'm hanging in there but it's a rough ride.

When asked yesterday how Steven thought I was doing (not by me) his answer was, she's doing the best she can but she isn't happy.

Edited to add: I called again to ask about the walk in clinic. While the woman was telling me that it was only for acute situations like sinus infections!!! there was a cancellation in the appointment system.

My new appointment is tomorrow at 7:10am!

Time for getting real

I was thinking last night that it's time for me to open up some. Not so much so that you can see how crazy I am. More so that I can let some of this out. Holding it in isn't a great idea. However, if comments get out of hand or I decide I'm not comfortable hanging it all out there, I reserve the right to move this section to a private area.

After naps yesterday, and yes we all took one, we took the girls to Petsmart in G'port. They get a big kick out of seeing the animals. We hardly ever buy anything but they still enjoy themselves. I figured it's only fair that they get out and do something fun even if I don't want to. When Steven's home, it's easier to take them somewhere anyway.

As we left we realized it was very close to bed time and we hadn't eaten. Got the girls some dinner and they ate while we figured out what we wanted. Steven got a chicken sandwich and I was still undecided. Imagine that.

I finally chose to get some Chinese food. We drove to the one past our house and parked under the bright electric sign.

I couldn't open my door. I just couldn't go in there. Steven said, "Can you go get it?" "Yes, I can."

"But I don't want to." I was, I don't even know the right word for what I was. I just couldn't go in there.

"That's just silly. What do you want?!"

I instantly burst into tears. I couldn't even stop to tell him what I wanted.

After several minutes, I squeaked out what I wanted and he went inside. As soon as his door closed I was crying harder. He was in there for almost 10 minutes and it took me that whole time to get myself under some semblance of control.

His door opens, he climbs in. Puts his hand on my arm. "Would you forgive me for saying that?" Of course I will, but now I'm crying again so all I can do is shake my head.

I called the appointment line and they don't have anything sooner. I'm hanging in there but it's a rough ride.

When asked yesterday how Steven thought I was doing (not by me) his answer was, she's doing the best she can but she isn't happy.

Edited to add: I called again to ask about the walk in clinic. While the woman was telling me that it was only for acute situations like sinus infections!!! there was a cancellation in the appointment system.

My new appointment is tomorrow at 7:10am!

Time for getting real

I was thinking last night that it's time for me to open up some. Not so much so that you can see how crazy I am. More so that I can let some of this out. Holding it in isn't a great idea. However, if comments get out of hand or I decide I'm not comfortable hanging it all out there, I reserve the right to move this section to a private area.

After naps yesterday, and yes we all took one, we took the girls to Petsmart in G'port. They get a big kick out of seeing the animals. We hardly ever buy anything but they still enjoy themselves. I figured it's only fair that they get out and do something fun even if I don't want to. When Steven's home, it's easier to take them somewhere anyway.

As we left we realized it was very close to bed time and we hadn't eaten. Got the girls some dinner and they ate while we figured out what we wanted. Steven got a chicken sandwich and I was still undecided. Imagine that.

I finally chose to get some Chinese food. We drove to the one past our house and parked under the bright electric sign.

I couldn't open my door. I just couldn't go in there. Steven said, "Can you go get it?" "Yes, I can."

"But I don't want to." I was, I don't even know the right word for what I was. I just couldn't go in there.

"That's just silly. What do you want?!"

I instantly burst into tears. I couldn't even stop to tell him what I wanted.

After several minutes, I squeaked out what I wanted and he went inside. As soon as his door closed I was crying harder. He was in there for almost 10 minutes and it took me that whole time to get myself under some semblance of control.

His door opens, he climbs in. Puts his hand on my arm. "Would you forgive me for saying that?" Of course I will, but now I'm crying again so all I can do is shake my head.

I called the appointment line and they don't have anything sooner. I'm hanging in there but it's a rough ride.

When asked yesterday how Steven thought I was doing (not by me) his answer was, she's doing the best she can but she isn't happy.

Edited to add: I called again to ask about the walk in clinic. While the woman was telling me that it was only for acute situations like sinus infections!!! there was a cancellation in the appointment system.

My new appointment is tomorrow at 7:10am!

Just talkin'

I don't even have the get up and go to come up with a blog entry. Now that is pathetic.

Mom Frances asked in the comments below about getting an earlier appointment with another clinic. All of the clinics are extra busy and backed up right now. More than half of our medical group is deployed right now. My only chance of getting in any sooner is to call back regularly, check for cancellations and try to get one of those appointments.

Just talkin'

I don't even have the get up and go to come up with a blog entry. Now that is pathetic.

Mom Frances asked in the comments below about getting an earlier appointment with another clinic. All of the clinics are extra busy and backed up right now. More than half of our medical group is deployed right now. My only chance of getting in any sooner is to call back regularly, check for cancellations and try to get one of those appointments.

Just talkin'

I don't even have the get up and go to come up with a blog entry. Now that is pathetic.

Mom Frances asked in the comments below about getting an earlier appointment with another clinic. All of the clinics are extra busy and backed up right now. More than half of our medical group is deployed right now. My only chance of getting in any sooner is to call back regularly, check for cancellations and try to get one of those appointments.

Just talkin'

I don't even have the get up and go to come up with a blog entry. Now that is pathetic.

Mom Frances asked in the comments below about getting an earlier appointment with another clinic. All of the clinics are extra busy and backed up right now. More than half of our medical group is deployed right now. My only chance of getting in any sooner is to call back regularly, check for cancellations and try to get one of those appointments.

The view from the cheap seats

Anyone who's known me long already knows what's going on without me having to spell it out here. This is beyond the mild depression I deal with day to day, year to year. This is full-on, hard core, hurting my loved ones and myself situational depression. I've been hesitant to talk about it and not just here, in my daily relationships. I can put on a happy face and fake it for a while when necessary. But I've been hesitant to talk about for other reasons, too. None of which I'll be going into.

I have an appointment November 6th to see our family practitioner. It's unfair to my husband, my children, and myself for this to continue.

I'm using wisdom here. Something has to give. An angry, irritated, aggravated, irrational, unmotivated, plain old mean wife/mom me is not fun.

Not fun at all.

The view from the cheap seats

Anyone who's known me long already knows what's going on without me having to spell it out here. This is beyond the mild depression I deal with day to day, year to year. This is full-on, hard core, hurting my loved ones and myself situational depression. I've been hesitant to talk about it and not just here, in my daily relationships. I can put on a happy face and fake it for a while when necessary. But I've been hesitant to talk about for other reasons, too. None of which I'll be going into.

I have an appointment November 6th to see our family practitioner. It's unfair to my husband, my children, and myself for this to continue.

I'm using wisdom here. Something has to give. An angry, irritated, aggravated, irrational, unmotivated, plain old mean wife/mom me is not fun.

Not fun at all.

The view from the cheap seats

Anyone who's known me long already knows what's going on without me having to spell it out here. This is beyond the mild depression I deal with day to day, year to year. This is full-on, hard core, hurting my loved ones and myself situational depression. I've been hesitant to talk about it and not just here, in my daily relationships. I can put on a happy face and fake it for a while when necessary. But I've been hesitant to talk about for other reasons, too. None of which I'll be going into.

I have an appointment November 6th to see our family practitioner. It's unfair to my husband, my children, and myself for this to continue.

I'm using wisdom here. Something has to give. An angry, irritated, aggravated, irrational, unmotivated, plain old mean wife/mom me is not fun.

Not fun at all.

The view from the cheap seats

Anyone who's known me long already knows what's going on without me having to spell it out here. This is beyond the mild depression I deal with day to day, year to year. This is full-on, hard core, hurting my loved ones and myself situational depression. I've been hesitant to talk about it and not just here, in my daily relationships. I can put on a happy face and fake it for a while when necessary. But I've been hesitant to talk about for other reasons, too. None of which I'll be going into.

I have an appointment November 6th to see our family practitioner. It's unfair to my husband, my children, and myself for this to continue.

I'm using wisdom here. Something has to give. An angry, irritated, aggravated, irrational, unmotivated, plain old mean wife/mom me is not fun.

Not fun at all.

What was that snappin' sound?

That was me!

I'm about to just snap.

Day two of no naps..............

What was that snappin' sound?

That was me!

I'm about to just snap.

Day two of no naps..............

What was that snappin' sound?

That was me!

I'm about to just snap.

Day two of no naps..............

What was that snappin' sound?

That was me!

I'm about to just snap.

Day two of no naps..............

Oops

Somehow, in trying to change my graphic up top, I hosed the whole top section. When Dj gets home in a while, I'll see if she can help me.

I'm beat. I don't WANT to do anything. I NEED to do so much. I can't get in to see the doctor until November 6th. Good thing this isn't "serious", huh? heh I suppose it depends on who you ask as to the seriousness of it.

I'm supposed to paint the rest of the living/computer room today. I can't move the computers by myself. I'm not sure if Steven's going to his Men's Meeting tonight or not. If it isn't finished by tomorrow, *shrug, fine.

I'm happy that we're going on date night Friday. I just wish that's all I needed to fix this.

Oops

Somehow, in trying to change my graphic up top, I hosed the whole top section. When Dj gets home in a while, I'll see if she can help me.

I'm beat. I don't WANT to do anything. I NEED to do so much. I can't get in to see the doctor until November 6th. Good thing this isn't "serious", huh? heh I suppose it depends on who you ask as to the seriousness of it.

I'm supposed to paint the rest of the living/computer room today. I can't move the computers by myself. I'm not sure if Steven's going to his Men's Meeting tonight or not. If it isn't finished by tomorrow, *shrug, fine.

I'm happy that we're going on date night Friday. I just wish that's all I needed to fix this.

Oops

Somehow, in trying to change my graphic up top, I hosed the whole top section. When Dj gets home in a while, I'll see if she can help me.

I'm beat. I don't WANT to do anything. I NEED to do so much. I can't get in to see the doctor until November 6th. Good thing this isn't "serious", huh? heh I suppose it depends on who you ask as to the seriousness of it.

I'm supposed to paint the rest of the living/computer room today. I can't move the computers by myself. I'm not sure if Steven's going to his Men's Meeting tonight or not. If it isn't finished by tomorrow, *shrug, fine.

I'm happy that we're going on date night Friday. I just wish that's all I needed to fix this.

Oops

Somehow, in trying to change my graphic up top, I hosed the whole top section. When Dj gets home in a while, I'll see if she can help me.

I'm beat. I don't WANT to do anything. I NEED to do so much. I can't get in to see the doctor until November 6th. Good thing this isn't "serious", huh? heh I suppose it depends on who you ask as to the seriousness of it.

I'm supposed to paint the rest of the living/computer room today. I can't move the computers by myself. I'm not sure if Steven's going to his Men's Meeting tonight or not. If it isn't finished by tomorrow, *shrug, fine.

I'm happy that we're going on date night Friday. I just wish that's all I needed to fix this.

Not enough

There isn't enough Plus in the world to help me right now. Mannatech-please oh please oh please deliver quickly! I'm so exasperated and frustrated and aggrivated and just plain DONE. It's like banging my head against a cement wall 10,000 times a day. Then going to bed, getting back up, and doing it again.

Not enough

There isn't enough Plus in the world to help me right now. Mannatech-please oh please oh please deliver quickly! I'm so exasperated and frustrated and aggrivated and just plain DONE. It's like banging my head against a cement wall 10,000 times a day. Then going to bed, getting back up, and doing it again.

Not enough

There isn't enough Plus in the world to help me right now. Mannatech-please oh please oh please deliver quickly! I'm so exasperated and frustrated and aggrivated and just plain DONE. It's like banging my head against a cement wall 10,000 times a day. Then going to bed, getting back up, and doing it again.

Not enough

There isn't enough Plus in the world to help me right now. Mannatech-please oh please oh please deliver quickly! I'm so exasperated and frustrated and aggrivated and just plain DONE. It's like banging my head against a cement wall 10,000 times a day. Then going to bed, getting back up, and doing it again.

Brain Drain

Busy-ness abounds as usual. We've got date night on Friday so I'm trying to clean house in fits and spurts. I also want to knit desperately. I've started and restarted the second blanket square three times now. I've been working very slowly on the blue Beach sweater.

I'm about halfway done with the living room/computer room paint. I took a photo yesterday but I haven't put my pictures and curtains back up so it looks somewhat plain.

(click for larger, as usual)

Let's see, the rest of our week looks like this:
Wednesday-Steven's turn to take the girls to church
Thursday-clean and make solid plans with babysitter
Friday-Katy's 1st field trip and date night
Saturday-Steven works and I have Apples of Gold
Sunday-church

Brain Drain

Busy-ness abounds as usual. We've got date night on Friday so I'm trying to clean house in fits and spurts. I also want to knit desperately. I've started and restarted the second blanket square three times now. I've been working very slowly on the blue Beach sweater.

I'm about halfway done with the living room/computer room paint. I took a photo yesterday but I haven't put my pictures and curtains back up so it looks somewhat plain.

(click for larger, as usual)

Let's see, the rest of our week looks like this:
Wednesday-Steven's turn to take the girls to church
Thursday-clean and make solid plans with babysitter
Friday-Katy's 1st field trip and date night
Saturday-Steven works and I have Apples of Gold
Sunday-church

Brain Drain

Busy-ness abounds as usual. We've got date night on Friday so I'm trying to clean house in fits and spurts. I also want to knit desperately. I've started and restarted the second blanket square three times now. I've been working very slowly on the blue Beach sweater.

I'm about halfway done with the living room/computer room paint. I took a photo yesterday but I haven't put my pictures and curtains back up so it looks somewhat plain.

(click for larger, as usual)

Let's see, the rest of our week looks like this:
Wednesday-Steven's turn to take the girls to church
Thursday-clean and make solid plans with babysitter
Friday-Katy's 1st field trip and date night
Saturday-Steven works and I have Apples of Gold
Sunday-church

Brain Drain

Busy-ness abounds as usual. We've got date night on Friday so I'm trying to clean house in fits and spurts. I also want to knit desperately. I've started and restarted the second blanket square three times now. I've been working very slowly on the blue Beach sweater.

I'm about halfway done with the living room/computer room paint. I took a photo yesterday but I haven't put my pictures and curtains back up so it looks somewhat plain.

(click for larger, as usual)

Let's see, the rest of our week looks like this:
Wednesday-Steven's turn to take the girls to church
Thursday-clean and make solid plans with babysitter
Friday-Katy's 1st field trip and date night
Saturday-Steven works and I have Apples of Gold
Sunday-church

A letter of sorts

Dear Inattentive Neighbor Parent,
Please don't look at me as though I've grown a second head when I decide it isn't a good idea for my 3 and 6 year old daughters to come to your house. Yes, they were invited over by your equally inattentive teenagers. Yes, they SEEM to be normal people. But I don't know you from Adam's house cat. My children will NOT be going into your home without me. Don't play on my 6 year old's need for friendship by telling her that "well my daughter is old enough to watch them out front." We have no front yard. They'd be playing in the driveway and street. I don't CARE if other people allow their 18 month olds to run willy nilly up the street. MY children will not be doing that.

Thank you.
Your neighbor

A letter of sorts

Dear Inattentive Neighbor Parent,
Please don't look at me as though I've grown a second head when I decide it isn't a good idea for my 3 and 6 year old daughters to come to your house. Yes, they were invited over by your equally inattentive teenagers. Yes, they SEEM to be normal people. But I don't know you from Adam's house cat. My children will NOT be going into your home without me. Don't play on my 6 year old's need for friendship by telling her that "well my daughter is old enough to watch them out front." We have no front yard. They'd be playing in the driveway and street. I don't CARE if other people allow their 18 month olds to run willy nilly up the street. MY children will not be doing that.

Thank you.
Your neighbor

A letter of sorts

Dear Inattentive Neighbor Parent,
Please don't look at me as though I've grown a second head when I decide it isn't a good idea for my 3 and 6 year old daughters to come to your house. Yes, they were invited over by your equally inattentive teenagers. Yes, they SEEM to be normal people. But I don't know you from Adam's house cat. My children will NOT be going into your home without me. Don't play on my 6 year old's need for friendship by telling her that "well my daughter is old enough to watch them out front." We have no front yard. They'd be playing in the driveway and street. I don't CARE if other people allow their 18 month olds to run willy nilly up the street. MY children will not be doing that.

Thank you.
Your neighbor

A letter of sorts

Dear Inattentive Neighbor Parent,
Please don't look at me as though I've grown a second head when I decide it isn't a good idea for my 3 and 6 year old daughters to come to your house. Yes, they were invited over by your equally inattentive teenagers. Yes, they SEEM to be normal people. But I don't know you from Adam's house cat. My children will NOT be going into your home without me. Don't play on my 6 year old's need for friendship by telling her that "well my daughter is old enough to watch them out front." We have no front yard. They'd be playing in the driveway and street. I don't CARE if other people allow their 18 month olds to run willy nilly up the street. MY children will not be doing that.

Thank you.
Your neighbor

She likes it

(click for larger)

I think she likes the icing. The girls and I made a chocolate cake tonight and Steven was letting Lizzy lick some of the icing off the beater. When he went to put it in the sink did she ever let us know that she was upset.

I'll write more tomorrow. Steven wants me to help him put sheets back on the bed.

She likes it

(click for larger)

I think she likes the icing. The girls and I made a chocolate cake tonight and Steven was letting Lizzy lick some of the icing off the beater. When he went to put it in the sink did she ever let us know that she was upset.

I'll write more tomorrow. Steven wants me to help him put sheets back on the bed.

She likes it

(click for larger)

I think she likes the icing. The girls and I made a chocolate cake tonight and Steven was letting Lizzy lick some of the icing off the beater. When he went to put it in the sink did she ever let us know that she was upset.

I'll write more tomorrow. Steven wants me to help him put sheets back on the bed.

She likes it

(click for larger)

I think she likes the icing. The girls and I made a chocolate cake tonight and Steven was letting Lizzy lick some of the icing off the beater. When he went to put it in the sink did she ever let us know that she was upset.

I'll write more tomorrow. Steven wants me to help him put sheets back on the bed.

You'll be glad to know

I'm feeling better today. Mom Frances, what you told Steven and then me on the phone didn't strike me very hard until today in church. I think I got it now. I think I do.

I painted the long side of the hall last night and I love it! Going to finish the short pieces left in there and start working in living room. I took a picture but you can't tell much.

(click for larger)

I don't want to hang anything in the hallway until I get some decorations and such I like to hang up with my photographs. Slow process.

Steven took a picture of Emily last night as she chatted away like a big girl on the cell phone with Sweetie Pie.

(click for larger)

We found a babysitter for next Friday and we're going on a date night! First home game for the Mississippi Sea Wolves Hockey team! This is going to be so much fun.

You'll be glad to know

I'm feeling better today. Mom Frances, what you told Steven and then me on the phone didn't strike me very hard until today in church. I think I got it now. I think I do.

I painted the long side of the hall last night and I love it! Going to finish the short pieces left in there and start working in living room. I took a picture but you can't tell much.

(click for larger)

I don't want to hang anything in the hallway until I get some decorations and such I like to hang up with my photographs. Slow process.

Steven took a picture of Emily last night as she chatted away like a big girl on the cell phone with Sweetie Pie.

(click for larger)

We found a babysitter for next Friday and we're going on a date night! First home game for the Mississippi Sea Wolves Hockey team! This is going to be so much fun.

You'll be glad to know

I'm feeling better today. Mom Frances, what you told Steven and then me on the phone didn't strike me very hard until today in church. I think I got it now. I think I do.

I painted the long side of the hall last night and I love it! Going to finish the short pieces left in there and start working in living room. I took a picture but you can't tell much.

(click for larger)

I don't want to hang anything in the hallway until I get some decorations and such I like to hang up with my photographs. Slow process.

Steven took a picture of Emily last night as she chatted away like a big girl on the cell phone with Sweetie Pie.

(click for larger)

We found a babysitter for next Friday and we're going on a date night! First home game for the Mississippi Sea Wolves Hockey team! This is going to be so much fun.

You'll be glad to know

I'm feeling better today. Mom Frances, what you told Steven and then me on the phone didn't strike me very hard until today in church. I think I got it now. I think I do.

I painted the long side of the hall last night and I love it! Going to finish the short pieces left in there and start working in living room. I took a picture but you can't tell much.

(click for larger)

I don't want to hang anything in the hallway until I get some decorations and such I like to hang up with my photographs. Slow process.

Steven took a picture of Emily last night as she chatted away like a big girl on the cell phone with Sweetie Pie.

(click for larger)

We found a babysitter for next Friday and we're going on a date night! First home game for the Mississippi Sea Wolves Hockey team! This is going to be so much fun.

It's over

My class is over. That's all I want to say about it. Well, besides this....

Much Sobbing Ensued.

Don't ask. I'm not up to rehashing it.

******************************************************************
Steven got the job at the commissary. His first night (last night) went well if you don't count the rain. He's back again today and I pray that his day went as well as yesterday.

I want to finish painting my hallway this week and work on knitting. But, tonight we'll be having movie night and I'm going to lay around with my family and relax.

I'm emotionally exhausted and I need a break.

It's over

My class is over. That's all I want to say about it. Well, besides this....

Much Sobbing Ensued.

Don't ask. I'm not up to rehashing it.

******************************************************************
Steven got the job at the commissary. His first night (last night) went well if you don't count the rain. He's back again today and I pray that his day went as well as yesterday.

I want to finish painting my hallway this week and work on knitting. But, tonight we'll be having movie night and I'm going to lay around with my family and relax.

I'm emotionally exhausted and I need a break.

It's over

My class is over. That's all I want to say about it. Well, besides this....

Much Sobbing Ensued.

Don't ask. I'm not up to rehashing it.

******************************************************************
Steven got the job at the commissary. His first night (last night) went well if you don't count the rain. He's back again today and I pray that his day went as well as yesterday.

I want to finish painting my hallway this week and work on knitting. But, tonight we'll be having movie night and I'm going to lay around with my family and relax.

I'm emotionally exhausted and I need a break.

It's over

My class is over. That's all I want to say about it. Well, besides this....

Much Sobbing Ensued.

Don't ask. I'm not up to rehashing it.

******************************************************************
Steven got the job at the commissary. His first night (last night) went well if you don't count the rain. He's back again today and I pray that his day went as well as yesterday.

I want to finish painting my hallway this week and work on knitting. But, tonight we'll be having movie night and I'm going to lay around with my family and relax.

I'm emotionally exhausted and I need a break.

My class is tomorrow....

My class is tomorrow....

My class is tomorrow....

My class is tomorrow....

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Man it's nuts around here. So much going on. And then not going on. And then going on, again. It's enough to make me have grey hair. Well, if I hadn't had it highlighted in the last couple of months you could see the greys.

Speaking of greys, Steven has an ever growing patch of them just over his right ear. I absolutely adore it! It may sound crazy but I love that we are growing together. Seems like I've loved this man my whole life and yet it's been roughly half. He's the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on and I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

There's so much growth happening within our little family lately. Steven and I are growing and adjusting our parenting skills. Morphing them into our own style of parenting and not just relying on what we know from our experience or what we've seen others do. Katy, Emily and Lizzy are each growing into their own little selves. It's an awesome time right now.

God is revealing Himself to me in so many large and small ways lately. I'm fascinated that such an powerful, omniscient and omnipresent God is interested in lil' ole' me.

Amazing, kids. Just amazing.

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Man it's nuts around here. So much going on. And then not going on. And then going on, again. It's enough to make me have grey hair. Well, if I hadn't had it highlighted in the last couple of months you could see the greys.

Speaking of greys, Steven has an ever growing patch of them just over his right ear. I absolutely adore it! It may sound crazy but I love that we are growing together. Seems like I've loved this man my whole life and yet it's been roughly half. He's the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on and I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

There's so much growth happening within our little family lately. Steven and I are growing and adjusting our parenting skills. Morphing them into our own style of parenting and not just relying on what we know from our experience or what we've seen others do. Katy, Emily and Lizzy are each growing into their own little selves. It's an awesome time right now.

God is revealing Himself to me in so many large and small ways lately. I'm fascinated that such an powerful, omniscient and omnipresent God is interested in lil' ole' me.

Amazing, kids. Just amazing.

Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Man it's nuts around here. So much going on. And then not going on. And then going on, again. It's enough to make me have grey hair. Well, if I hadn't had it highlighted in the last couple of months you could see the greys.

Speaking of greys, Steven has an ever growing patch of them just over his right ear. I absolutely adore it! It may sound crazy but I love that we are growing together. Seems like I've loved this man my whole life and yet it's been roughly half. He's the best looking man I've ever laid eyes on and I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

There's so much growth happening within our little family lately. Steven and I are growing and adjusting our parenting skills. Morphing them into our own style of parenting and not just relying on what we know from our experience or what we've seen others do. Katy, Emily and Lizzy are each growing into their own little selves. It's an awesome time right now.

God is revealing Himself to me in so many large and small ways lately. I'm fascinated that such an powerful, omniscient and omnipresent God is interested in lil' ole' me.

Amazing, kids. Just amazing.

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Other photos

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Other photos