Mama Blog

One of "those" entries

I've always been told that I'm one of "those" people. Everybody likes you. You don't ruffle feathers. You aren't pushy. Blah blah blah. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I felt like people truly didn't like me anymore.

I have always despised confrontation. I'm one of "those" people who will go to great lengths to avoid it. I've apologized more than once even though I wasn't at fault in order to keep the peace. Sure, it keeps me from having to deal with things that I don't want to. But ultimately, am I helping myself doing this? Am I just going with the flow so that people will like me? Is my self-worth so little that I step back from declaring my thoughts on a subject just because it won't tickle someone's ears? Am I so afraid of what people think that I sacrifice what I think is truth in the name of keeping the peace?

Why is it that on the rare occasion I take a stand/say my peace/speak my mind/stand on my soapbox for a minute people get very upset with me? I just don't get it. I can't have an opinion or reaction because you don't think it's right? Should I second guess myself or my actions simply because you are dealing with the not so nice consequences of your own actions?

Some things just have to be done. This time, it was me that had to do it. This time I wasn't one of "those" people. This time, I'm losing friends over it.

This time, I'm still standing. My head keeps arguing with my heart. Head second guesses over and over. But my heart knows the truth. My heart knows reminds me that the truth is always the best answer.

Things that go bump in the night

Thud thud thud dabump bump bump!

What's that you ask?

Could it be the sound of a bag of bowling balls rumbling down a hill?

Or perhaps a young person driving by with speakers bigger than his car and his music is rattling your windows?

Nope.

That's the sound of my daughter tumbling down the first section of stairs today. Don't worry, she wasn't hurt. She was scared and I'm sure for the next week she'll insist on being carried down the stairs or holding my hand.

All three of them have had a tumble down those stairs since we've moved here. I was somewhat reluctant to take a two story house when we PCS'ed this time. But, when you are doing this decision making with an unhappy four week old to consider, you'll do what ya gotta.

Most days those stairs are the bane of my existence. They are the reason we have not one but two laundry hampers in our house. The stairs are the reason most of the folded laundry takes forever to make it up there and into the proper places. They've been my alarm clock when Steven gets home from night shift. Not to mention the cats love to run up and down and up and down and up (you get the picture) the stairs all night chasing each other. They are forever harboring dust bunnies in nooks and crannies that are apparently invisible to the naked eye. Until company comes over, that's when the dust bunnies leap out and make their presence known.

I think next time we PCS I'll hold out for a one story. Yeah. Or we'll go somewhere that doesn't have base housing and we'll get a town house or something. Blech.

Alienated?

Have I alienated you all? Comments seem rare.

I'm paranoid, doncha' know. I always think people are mad at me or I've offended them somehow.

Somehow or other I hurt my shoulder yesterday. How, you ask? Walking through the BX doing nothing strenuous. Yeah. Seriously. It hurts during almost any range of motion or weight bearing. This situation makes lifting Miss Elizabeth and her 30 odd pounds difficult at best. I called to get an appointment to have it looked at and, of course, they have nothing. I can go to the walk in clinic that's open from 1-4. Lizzy naps at 12:30-1:00 and I have to leave the base by 2:40 to get Katy from school. Essentially that idea is out. I'll have to tough it out and hope for an appointment tomorrow. I did have to leave a consult with my regular doctor. My prescription is running low and I called the refill line (which is of course automated) and despite trying four times, the computer told me it was discontinued. My bottle's label says otherwise.

Anyhow, it's off to take Katy to school and come back to clean up this miss of a house.

Project Deploy Paci

I have neglected my blog as of late. Haven't had a whole lot to say, really. I did start an entry about Lizzy and Car Wash but it disappeared into cyberspace and I didn't have the gumption to rewrite it.

Budgets. They are tough. I desperately want to contribute something to our debt reduction "plan". I also know that if I went back to work (outside my home) after expenses and daycare, I'd be making chump change. Not worth it really.

An idea was suggested to me that would allow me to work from home (essentially). It requires me putting myself "out there" and that's a tad frightening. But, all they can say is no, so I think I'm going to give it a shot. Have to work up a small portfolio first and go from there.

We have practice tonight for the WM's part in Sunday's service. I think we're singing and reading a poem one of the ladies wrote. Other than that, I'm not sure what we're doing. Should be fun. Now to find out if we'll actually be here or not.

Steven's inspection at work looms ever closer. Stress levels are rising. The amount of maniacal laughter issued from his office ever increases. The "powers that be" will no longer approach the instructors without an offering of food. He's working late every day. And by late I mean LATE. He's working on the weekends. He doesn't get the down Friday this week at all. We'll all be glad when this is over. We will all need some free time. A date night would be great, too.

Project Deploy Paci is in full swing. We've confined the paci to the bed/s. The blanket and the "hawsy" have to stay in there too. She can use them as much as she wants, but she has to be in her bed/our bed to do it. Most of the time she just has to be reminded.

That's all the banter I can come up with.

Photo Thingies

Theme Thursday: Orange

Photo Time: Look Up

Photo Friday: Abstract

My One Hundred

Instead of an "about" page I chose to do what some other bloggers I know did. I wrote up One Hundred Things about me.

I know you are just dying to read it.

100 Things

1. I was almost named Melanie Aleese. They passed on that name and came up with Christy Lee.

2. I have a form of spina bifida. Most people have no idea.

3. Because of it, I have to buy two sizes of shoes to get one pair I can wear. A size 9 left shoe and a size 5 1/2 or 6 right shoe.

4. Shoesalesmen and bowling alley shoe guys run in abject fear and confusion when I ask for shoes.

5. I was 19 when I got married.

6. I have been married to my knight in shining armor for 11 years this year,

7. I have three daughters, Katy (6), Emily (4), and Lizzy (almost 2).

8. I was told after Katy (6 lbs.) that I should have a c-section if I ever had more kids and that I should consider not having more.

9. Emily (7 lbs 5 oz) was a c-section baby. Lizzy was a beautiful VBAC. All 9 lbs of her!

10. I am somewhat afraid of water. I don't swim well and my daughters haven't learned yet.

If someting happened, I'm unsure of my ability to save them.

11. I am not phobic of birds but boy do I dislike them. Clipped wings and no flying I can tolerate. Flying birds, nuh uh!

12. Our last trip to see Steven's parents included a trip to the boardwalk, where Steven proceeded to feed a gaggle of seagulls. They were ALL flying. Just above his head and swooping over mine to get to him. I was not pleased.

13. I played flute in band in junior high.

14. I was on color guard in high school.

15. I met Steven in the 10th grade. He was a senior.

16. I admit that I sobbed like a lunatic over that boy, more than once.

17. I have shown signs of depression since early childhood.

18. I had what I call a breakdown last October that forced me to do something about it.

19. Within six weeks, people said it was "nice to have you back."

20. I've been to Mexico once. A three day trip with Steven, just us.

21. We brought back many souvenirs, but the nicest was Lizzy.

22. I'm a horrible shopper. I can talk myself into and out of things a dozen times and almost always walk away empty handed.

23. Especially shoes. Half the time they don't have the style I like (and can wear) in both sizes so I get cranky. No, really, I do. (shaddup you heh)

24. I have an allergy to metal. I turn most jewelry and when I wear earrings I have to take them out after about an hour.

25. I wear my wedding set all the time, though the engagement ring is turning.

26. I wear a solitaire necklace that my mom gave me two years ago every single day.

27. I had admired the one she wears as long as I can remember.

28. People say I look just like my dad, until they meet my mom.

29. I have been told I even walk like my mom.

30. Despite living in the deep south my entire life, I don't have too thick a drawl.

31. Until I visit home for a bit, then I tend to pick it up a bit.

32. I love boiled peanuts and I miss them terribly. We've tried making them here but it just isn't the same.

33. I make a mean roast beef with rice and gravy.

34. I learned that recipe from MomFrances.

35. I graduated in a class of 199 kids because one kid didn't pass English.

36. I've had three surgeries (not counting my c-section).

37. My favorite flower is shasta daisies or gerbera daisies.

38. My favorite perfume is Miracle.

39. I prefer comfy clothes. Jeans and short sleeved shirts are my uniform.

40. I don't mind doing laundry but I despise putting all away.

41. I adore photography though I haven't taken much time to do it lately.

42. I love to read.

43. Before we had kids, I would lay in bed and read a book from cover to cover on a rainy Saturday.

44. I think Vincent D'Onofrio is the bees knees (after my hubby of course).

45. Steven teases me that Vincent as Robert Goren on Law and Order: CI is my boyfriend.

46. I love a quick, sharp wit and intelligence.

47. Steven has an abundance of both, that's part of what made him/makes him attractive to me.

48. Those eyes and that grin didn't hurt either.

49. I tend to run important conversations through my head endlessly before having them.

50. I tend to replay conversations in my head after they are finished.

51. I cry easily.

52. I get words/sounds/bits of songs stuck in my head for days.

53. I like the way words sound, the way you can hear "the mouth" work when someone talks.

54. In order to get the above things out of the continuous loop in my head, I must say them out loud to someone. Usually that works.

55. I sang one section of "Baby Got Back" by Run DMC for three days straight.

56. I don't have a great memory.

57. I am the webmaster for my church's site.

58. I volunteered to do it last summer when we began attending the church because the content was a year old.

59. I know that at least one person has come to the church after visiting the site.

60. That makes me smile.

61. I've owned two vhs copies and one dvd copy of Sense and Sensibility. I love that movie.

62. I have a sick fascination with a clean sink and counters.

63. I tend to be anal about tiny details that only matter to me.

64. I want them all to push the water filter container all the way to the wall/back of fridge after they use it. They typically don't.

65. I drink way too much Pepsi.

66. I have to have a full glass of ice when I drink anything.

67. I have a Holly Hobbie pillow case from when I was very young.

68. I still use it.

69. I am horrible at parking a vehicle, especially Steven's truck.

70. I have a tendency to think that I can't do anything well.

71. I am a Words of Affirmation love language, primarily.

72. My secondary love language is Physical Touch. Though, I tend to need both equally.

73. I have to wear a watch with an alarm to remember to take my medicine on time.

74. I love to bake.

75. I make a carrot cake that my DaddyGene said was good. Now that is an accomplishment!

76. I am an only child.

77. I do however have a half brother, two step brothers and two step sisters.

78. Despite a rocky beginning, my Bubbas and I are growing closer.

79. I earned the dubious title of "Ditch Queen" in high school.

80. My brother Wyatt took over the royal position after I graduated.

81. I have hydraplaned a car.

82. I have fipped a car I wasn't driving.

83. I am now very afraid of towing things on the backs of vehicles.

84. I love to sing but am too self-concious to sing alone in front of people.

85. I love flowers and gardening.

86. I love a good pen.

87. I drool over stationery and paper journals regularly.

88. I've worn regular heels once in my life.

89. I hated them.

90. I do, however, like clunky heeled shoes.

91. I snore, like a freight train.

92. I've woken myself up snoring.

93. I have passed this lovely trait on to my daughters.

94. I fear that my daughters will grow up with the same "issues" I have/had.

95. I already see some of it in Katy.

96. I see Steven in Lizzy. Boy do I ever.

97. I knew I wouldn't have more children when I was seven months pregnant with Lizzy. Not because I didn't like being pregnant or anything, I just knew.

98. I didn't know how to cook before I got married. I even burned jello once.

99. I love living in a place where I can buy seafood straight out of the water for dinner.

100. I want to live near family when Steven retires.

Feeling the strain

I guess I'll leave this up for a while so that as thoughts come to me, I can post about them. I can't seem to put together any thought lately.

Begin rant.

Lizzy is driving me crazy. She's into EVERYTHING. I went upstairs to use the bathroom and start working on changing sheets. She was downstairs just a few minutes befor following me upstairs. Since she was with me upstairs, I didn't have any reason to worry about what was happening or had happened downstairs, right?

WRONG.

I came back down with her after finishing the sheets and see that she's climbed on the desk (again) and taken a box of envelopes and thrown them all over the floor. She took out two books of stamps and so far I haven't found any off the sheet.

If I go into the kitchen or laundry room, she's beating on the fishtank or sticking her fingers in it. Or she's dropping things in it! Or she's climbing on the desk, or or or.

We've already had to rearrange our furniture (for the hundredth time) so that she can't reach the bar from any piece. She was using them to climb up on that. Now she just uses the tricycle to stand on and tries to get up there.

I can only move things so high.

End rant.

I think things are just strained right now. Steven's work has a huge inspection coming up. He's working a ton of overtime. Blah blah blah.

I'm going to stop now, I'm irritating myself.

Just a swangin'

(snagged from Leslie):

Yankee or Dixie Quiz:

87% (Dixie). Did you have any Confederate ancestors?

I'm so proud. heh

Sunset from yesterday.

Funny Girl

Apparently, using your hands is passe'

How much is that doggie in the window??

I've had this window up all day today and some of yesterday. My brain can't seem to kick into the right gear to write anything. I've got oodles of stuff running around in there but nowhere to really go with it.

Time for a meme:

What's On your bedroom floor Right Now?
Well, our bed just got moved off it's frame and onto the floor. There is a basket of clean clothes (mostly socks) on the floor by the closets. A scale sits near the bathroom door.

Aren't you glad you tuned it today?

Frozen toe-sicles

It's really cold in here, despite the fact that I keep bumping the heat up. Military housing isn't known for it's ability to build quality housing. I'm shuffling around here in Steven's bedroom shoes.

Steven is working on his day off. Blech. We're going to have movie night tonight though. We're supposed to pick out some movies, get some dinner (and some CHOCOLATE!!!). The plan is to drag one of the mattresses downstairs so we can lay around in the living room, watch movies, eat and have a nice night together.

Tomorrow some time Steven and I are going out for our Valentine's Date. Lynn (and Jim?) are going to watch the girls for us, thus saving us the cost of a babysitter. If we go at lunch, we want to come back and have a fancy "get dressed up-use candles" dinner with the girls.

I'm off (no comments from the peanut gallery as to the validity of that statement, please) to do laundry and do some webpage work for the church. While we're out on our date, I'm planning to take my camera for a photo journey.

Lizzy the Sweater Head

Um, Lizzy, is your head cold?

Why yes, mama, it is!

Apparently so.

Not much coherent thought here this morning. Lizzy was up an unusually long time last night, despite only napping for 40 minutes yesterday. I'm tiiiiired. Cleaning house since tomorrow is a down Friday. Steven may still have to work, but then again, he may not. I have the Ladies' Night Out tonight and while I'm excited at the prospect, I'm too tired right now to show it. Maybe after a shower.

A trip down memory lane

Would you pull a few muscles and need a nap if you tried that now, Craig?

A six pack and a tan!

I can't believe I thought I was fat and pale.

I almost forgot

I got up this morning, put a bagel in the toaster for myself while I got the girls all situated with their food. I walked over, got the cream cheese and the butter knife. As I was heading back to the toaster, I remembered. We're fasting today. Oops.

Not much else to report. But I do have a Lizzy funny to share. Click here to see the goofball

Sunday morning musings

Valentine's Day approaches. Our financial situation is well, not conducive, to doing much. There's something I had in mind to get Steven but it may have to wait until his birthday. I am thinking that having a nice dinner together would be nice. The girls could help me. I could feed them, get them to bed, then have a romantic dinner set up. That might work, I'll have to ponder that.

There is a dinner at church on Friday evening that is $20 per couple, which isn't bad price wise. But when you factor in a baby sitter, the price seems too exorbitant. Especially since I can't seem to find one who can get Elizabeth to sleep. When we went to that hockey game (many months ago), we got home at almost 11 and she had just fallen asleep on the couch with the sitter. She only slept then because the sitter sat her in her lap, held on to her (so she couldn't get down) and they watched a Veggie Tales movie.

I've been thinking very hard about finding some time to go out on photo adventures regularly again. I miss it. I find myself driving down the road, looking at things and places, thinking how great a photo that would be. I'm going to have to make it a priority again.

Our plans for today aren't all that glamorous. Steven has to get a haircut. So, after church he'll run down to the shop near the base and get one. I have to work nursery at church this morning. I plan to replace some of the water in the fish tank today. I'd like to take the girls out and do something (free, of course) so that I could take pictures. We'll see if that figures in to our day or not.

Asbestos???

The clean up went well yesterday. I got the wild hair to scrub our floors (yucky military tile) on my hands and knees with a scrubber. It worked, the floors look great but my arms/back/legs are sooooore. Took two hours to finish it all. I probably need to rewax them since I'm sure I scrubbed off the wax, as well.

Steven got home, said how nice they looked and then asked me if I was sure they weren't asbestos tile!!!!!!

I'm calling Housing on Monday.

Weekend Round-Up

We're starting something new around here. The Weekend Round-Up. Fridays we will spend the day cleaning the house as close to top to bottom as we can. That way, two things happen. 1) Steven gets to come home to a clean worry-free home for a relaxing weekend away from the job he isn't enjoying all that much right now. 2) Our weekend is open for fun things and the few home projects we have to keep for weekends.

So, I'll be scarce today. He gets off work at 3:00 and I don't get back from dropping Katy off until 8:30. Emily is going to help. She helped me make a list of things to do. We should at least be able to finish the downstairs, the bedrooms (since they've stayed clean all week) and then clean our bathroom, wipe down the duck bathroom. I think we can do it.

Alrighty, I'm off to take Katy to school and get back here to get busy. Have a productive Friday and I'll be back tonight or tomorrow. Most likely tomorrow since tonight is Movie Night for the girls and us. Woohoo! A relaxing evening with my family. Man, oh man, do we all need that.

Wear your hard hats, we're under construction

I had to take everything down and put it back up in order to get things fixed. Should all be back in working order now though. I know it's plain looking at the moment, but I'll spend some time making it prettier, when I can.

Bear with me.

More of You and less of me

Our temporary solution to credit card issues When our tax refund gets here and we can cut those up without fear that we'll have an emergency and no money, they'll be gone! One step at a time.

I've been in this mode where I get a song in my head and heart and it touches me so much that I sing it over and over. Each time feeling the awesome love of my Savior. I don't deserve that love. I can't be good enough. I can't do enough. Yet He loves me still. Warts and all. Despite my many shortcomings He loves me. I'm so thankful for that. It humbles me every day.

More of You and less of me, Lord. Every day.

Holy by Nicole Nordeman (listen here)

How many roads did i travel before I walkd down the one that led me to You?
How many dreams did unravel before i believed in a hope that was true?
How long? How far?
What was meant to fulfill only emptied me still
And all you ever wanted...

only me on my knees
singing holy, holy
and somehow all that matters now is
you are holy, holy

How many deaths did I die before i was awakened to new life again?
How many half-truths did i bear witness to, til the proof was disproved in the end?
How long? How far?
What was meant to illuminate, shadowed me still
And all you ever wanted......

and all i have is gratitude to offer You

A chipmunk

Lizzy apparently thinks she's a chipmunk. She's gotten this habit of taking a large bite of food and then holding it there, indefinately. It's rather disconcerting to see her walking around with her cheeks all stuffed. Reminds me of Emily. She did that sort of thing for a very long time. Drove me batty.

I plan to vacuum the downstairs and mop today. As well as clean up the desks for the gazillionth time. I need to pay bills and finish setting up Quicken on this computer. I need to marinate the chicken for tonight. (Roast Sticky Chicken - yum!!) I need to straighten up and wipe down the bathrooms. Katy needs to take out the bathroom trash today. It's overflowing since she didn't take it out over the weekend.

Otherwise, I'm just doodling around. Steven's Grandmother turns 84 on Wednesday. We're discussing what we could do for her since she lives in Texas. If we're mailing it, whatever we pick needs to be done today.