Mama Blog

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Smiles

Feeling better. Life moves on, eh? The only issues I've had since Christmas night was yesterday in the uniform store we were busy getting the length right on Katy's pants and I never even noticed there was music on in the store much less what song was playing. As soon as I stepped up to the counter to pay, what do I hear?

I can only imagine.....(Mercy Me)

Had to walk away and let Steven pay. He just sadly smiled at me and told me to go stand back with the girls who were playing (noisily) with the train set the store has out.

That moment I think I'm home free. Normally, I only hear that song sporadically. But wait! What song came on with the clock radio this morning?? You guessed it.

So, I'm getting used to it I think. I can sing bits of it to myself now without breaking down into sobs. That counts for something right?

Spent a lot of yesterday out of the house. Errands and such. Helped Steven with the playset he's building for the girls. When finished, it will be great! I'm learning about woodwork as he goes along, too, which interests me.

Last night was the first night without the paci. She wasn't thrilled but she went to sleep while sitting in my lap. When she woke up later she climbed into our bed, which she normally does anyway and went back to sleep after a bit. I wonder if things will go as well tonight?

Those pictures I promised, they'll be along soon. Things are busy, and my time to sit and upload them tends to run out too quickly. That's all I've got for now. Have a "grateful" day!

Feel free to use the escape hatch

Please note, I have photos from this morning of the girls and I will post them later, tomorrow most likely. But for now I need to talk. If you think you might be offended/bothered by me venting and letting out some "junk", feel free to use that little red X up there in the corner.

You've been warned.

Today just hasn't felt like Christmas. Sure there was excitement with the girls and there was lots of food and we even got some sleet and snow today but things just felt off.

All day I've had this nagging feeling that something just isn't right. The list is full of reasons I could ponder. First thing that came to mind was the fact that this is our first Christmas where none of our family was able to make it here to celebrate with us. I don't want any of them to think I'm angry about that, I completely understand the reasons. Some things are more important and some things just can't be helped. But it still left a strange taste in my mouth all day to have no extended family here to share in the antics.

As the crabby feeling grew, small things seemed to turn into enormous gaping wounds. I was irritated and peeved several times today about things that were, in essence, stupid. I let those things get to me and by bed time I was crabby and foul with Steven.

I lay there trying to figure out what was going on. Sure, I miss my family being here and today hasn't been super fabulous but so what, I said to myself, things like that happen. Then it hit me...

I miss my Daddy. This is my first Christmas without him. Christmas was the one time of the year when Daddy made an extra effort to be here to visit us and spend time with the girls. May not have been Christmas day but he always found a way to be here. He loved those girls so much. You could just see his face light up when he watched them play. That funny way he'd laugh and tease them. I know that he was doing his best to make up for all the years we lost and trying to be a better grandfather than he was able to be for me as a father. We both had done a lot of growing up in the last few years and our relationship, though new and rather fragile, was growing. Even in all the years of "not so good" I loved him. His efforts in the last years to forge a relationship with me were tremendous and taught me to love him more.

Nine months since the accident. Nine and half months since I last spoke to him. A lifetime of memories. A lifetime of things he'll never get to see.

Dammit, I miss you Daddy.

No more kisses

My child has decided she doesn't like kisses. Most of the time, anyway. For a touchy, feely, kiss sharin' Mama that's tough. Some times she gets down right angry with me. So, I back off, tell her I love her and ask if she can give me a kiss. 90% of the time her answer will be yes and she'll give me a big smacker on the cheek or lips. *usually cheek which she finds hysterical

We're enjoying Christmas vacation. Played hide and seek with the girls last night which they loved. All of the regular kid inspired hiding places were used but the grown up ideas, now there is a true view into the types of individuals you're dealing with. Between the couch and the wall, behind the rocking chair, under some blankets in our room and the one the girls never discovered......in the big tub covered with towels and boxes. Hehehe Sad thing is the only reason that one worked so well is because I haven't emptied the tub of the boxes I'd sat in there "temporarily".

Been playing with my new Christmas present from Steven. A studio light kit for taking pictures. He did a lot of research and got some help from Sonya (friend of mine from waaaay back who's a fellow camera freak) to find the best set up for the money he had to spend. Sonya's been helping me learn how to use it properly and now that I know how to change the exposure and f-stop on my camera the pictures should turn out better. Here's a small sampling of the very first session.

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After I played with one a bit....

One of the pictures from this weekend at Nancy's graduation.

No Motivation or No Actual Thought? You decide.

I can't figure if my lack of posts is lack of motivation or just lack of anything "real" to talk about. I thought I'd give a random list of things around here lately.

-Lizzy's new favorite thing to say, "yep" all clipped and short and to the point. Makes me batty. I'm too southern and polite for that. Need a yes mam please.

-Emily was doing well at school until yesterday. Nap time was, to put it lightly, a terror for her teacher. We discussed all of it with her and told her that next time things get that far, Ms. Teresa or Ms. Cheryl will call one of us to come to the school and deal with the issue. Sigh.

-Katy fell right on her butt on a concrete floor last night at the church skating party. She did get back up and try again though!

-I find it very difficult to find gifts (or just toys in general) for the girls that don't light up, talk, sing, make some sort of racket, or just generally don't require any imagination to play with. I hate that. We did ok this year on finding things. The ones we got that make noise are two computer games, each girl got a new book for her Leap Pad, and I think we got a movie. Most everything else has been "imagination friendly" though. I'd love to find a place that sells wooden toys and such.

-I finally got my rings resized. I had to put my engagement ring in my jewelry box until I can take it back, though. One of the stones is loose. The jeweler did a great job on my band. He was afraid he'd mess up the pattern that is on it but you can barely tell where the cut was made. :)

-It has been so cold here the last few days! Cold enough that I slept in socks!! Now that is telling something there.

Enough for now, have lots to do!

To-Do

Today's To Do List (I know this is just enthralling reading):
-wrap GA gifts and pack box to mail tomorrow
-finish printing Christmas cards
-cut out photos, sign cards
-stuff envelopes
-address and stamp them
-CLEAN KITCHEN
-do laundry

She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain

Tomorrow, y'all, my little Calamity Jane will be 5!

How did that happen?

In other news, as is everyone else I'm sure, we're swamped with holiday stuff. Shopping, parties, preparing, surviving. You can understand, then, why blogging has been in short supply.

Christmas Cards Take #1

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I'm here

We're home.
We're safe.
Had fun.
Took lots of pictures.
Came home with one fevered child.
As of tonight, have three fevered children.
Yippee.
Going to relax and watch movie with my honey.
Will return later to update.
No, I didn't miss the computer one iota while I was gone.